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Chris Cornell


I am just tired, y'all.


I don't even know what to do with it. It just doesn't make sense to me.
I keep hoping it was accidental. Some weird sex thing a la Michael H. It would still suck. But thinking of even one more beautiful person who helped save and shape me wanting to end it is too much right now.
That was my first thought, but after thinking back on his songs, there are a lot of suicide and depression references going all the way back to his Soundgarden days. Coupled with knowing that he did battle addiction and depression, along with the anecdotal knowledge that many highly creative people tend to suffer from depression more often and deeply than comparatively "average" people; I can believe it.

Most telling, to me, is that his wife had asked for someone to check on him, which leads me to believe that she had spotted telltale signs through conversation or email, indicating that she had seen him hit low points enough times to recognize a pattern.

However great their life might seem, when a depressive finds themselves at a sudden low point, they can experience what is, to them, unbearable emotional pain and a loss of selfworth. Without something or someone to shake them out of it, some people will give in.

At the same time. . . when I don't get analytical about it, I'm just shocked.
I know you are right. It just breaks my heart. Someone who played a part in saving me couldn't save himself. His life was so extraordinary. Not just anyone could make of it what he did.
It feels pretty unreal to me. I had thought I should listen to his songs in remembrance, as a send off, out of respect. But I didn't really have to cause they've been playing in my head on repeat all day.

Yesterday, it was "Day I Tried To Live". I woke up to "Like A Stone". Right now my brain is playing "Say Hello To Heaven" while "Fell On Black Days" is starting to overlap, indicating that it's next on my brain's playlist.
Say Hello to Heaven and Change Me are going through mine.