My Dears

Dear Facebook:

Sometimes I just need to see if a person's comment is sarcastic or if said person is simply a twat. Please stop making it accidentally friend them when I go to look. Or is that my phone? Both of you should work on this.


Dear Men:

If you have ever fallen asleep while she is still up and doing things, and she is still there when you wake up, you can stop testing her. Believe me, if the farting you do in your sleep hasn't put an end to things, she's in it for the long game.


Dear Cynics:

Say what you will about Disney, I love signing (ASL, not autographs) mascots!


Dear Analyst-who-is-new-in-the-department-trying-to-make-a-name:

Give it a god damn rest, already.


Dear Stepmother: 

Love him or leave him. He's not your financial safekeeper.


Dear Real Estate Market:

Send me an angel, send me an angel, right now. Right now.... 


Dear Tomorrow:

You will be better because I will respond differently.

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